Aseem Chitrakar

kisi chitra ke vyavhara se kya vastavik badal gaya

kasab ke peshab se kya bharat ka garv gal gaya

chitrikar ke kalam se ne aisa kya zahar ugal diya

ki desh droha sa apraadh suchak ke sir mal diya

are neta,

tu divya dirhsya chodd ke, tucchta mein kyun ulajh raha

hai itni samasyayein, kyun masoomo pe bhadak raha 

behak gaye kahin yeh massom, to sab ban chalenge sirfire

yeh bus kalam ki awaaz thi, tu jan sailab se na dar raha 

Dhoni Rested

MS Dhoni takes a break for a surprise appearance on big boss

राखी की दिवाली

A lady who can do anything for popularity. A lady who can fall to any levels of shame to get media coverage.A lady whom most people hate after Himesh Reshammiya and Ekta Kapoor. But personally I believe she has great values and the only lady who represents Indian tradition, because she did something so indigenous that only people can remember sita( from the Ramayana) doing it. No not Agni-Pariksha (though Rakhi may try that surely, if she is paid and if she has media coverage) but now Rakhi did prove her worth by conducting a "swayamvar" for herself. Swayamvar is a word that describes choosing your husband from many options. She is reliving the Indian culture the princess style and she is making it big through commercialization. I hope she will save the money as dowry (though illegal, but I am just being more cultural).

I have written a few lines in her praise, and salute the crazy men who are going their not because of Rakhi, but just to share some media coverage.

Read it with a marwari and haryanvi accent

राखी की दिवाली में भीड़ भयो रे
मच गयो कोहराम, कट्ठे खीर बट्यो रे ||
राखी बनी सीता, स्वयंवर रच्यो रे
पहुंचे बुद्दे और जवान, सब को राम जाग्यो रे ||

अरे बावली छोरी के पीछे भाग्यो पूरो देश
के कश्मीर को फ़कीर, और के काशी को नरेश ||
अरे ठग लेगी यह छोरी , मारे देश के पुरुष ने
खुद ब्लाउस नहीं पहने, देवे घूंघटत को उपदेश ||

अरे दहेज़ भी देती ,तो कोई ब्याह नहीं करतो
इस छोरी से मिले तो कोई बात नहीं करतो ||
अरे बावली इस बूच को तकदीर पलट गयो
वोह तो टीवी पे आ गयी ,वरना इसको दाल नहीं गल्तो ||

कलयुग को चक्कर कुछ ऐसो घूम्यो रे
शादी में शर्म को ही रस्म छुट्यो रे ||
आज पैसो ने दूरदर्शन पे बयाह कर दियो
कल हनीमून भी दिखोगो , थोडा इंतज़ार करो रे ||



Par Rakhi ki to diwali ho hi gayi :)

Why is India winning so much in Cricket?

10 reasons why Indian cricket team is performing well these days( just ignore this world cup, we have won almost all tournament in last 18 months)is not because we are playing good cricket (that’s what anyone of you could have said). The modified theory states that it’s purely because of the underperformance of other nations. Don’t believe me, read further below

1. Team Australia- Come on guys give them a break, if recession can hit United States , why can’t poor form hit Australia. Just a slowdown. But how long? I don’t know.

2. Team England- Well they ruled us for 2 centuries and now we rule half their team. Ravi Bopara, Oais Shah, Monty Panesar, Jeet patel and many others are part of the playing eleven and the worst part is these mixed breed are too Indian for English conditions and too county styled for the subcontinent.

3. Team Pakistan- We don’t need to beat an internally beaten side, pathetic cricket management and security concerns add to their woes. The worst part is since the players tamper with their birth certificate by the time they come out of under 19 to national team, they are too late. Though they have won the T20 world cup recently, but galti insaan se hi to hoti hai! Sorry for being harsh guys, I trust my countries security these days.:P

4. Team Bangladesh- net practices with teams are not matches!

5. Team New Zealand- The best players leave because there isn’t much money in cricket. Yeah that’s why Shane bond left in between and joined the police force. There are more people in a sports bar watching cricket than in the stadium in New Zealand. Cricket is like DDLJ for them being played again and again in the same theatre and the best part is both these things still gather crowd in their domains.

6. Team West Indies – They are too rhythmic in music and cricket. Though the rhythm was broken way back in 1983 when we beat them in World cup finals; they haven’t found their tune since then.

7. Team South Africa- They just can’t make it to the finals and hence never win big tournaments. This has deprived them of the #1 status, they are certainly better than the Indian team but kismat babu bhai, kismat.

8. Team Sri Lanka– Come on guys yes we have some competition. They are a good team, but mostly we manage to beat them, of course we are not such a bad side.

9. Team Zimbabwe- with 79,600,000,000% inflation, and prices doubling in 23 hours, who is buying cricket kits when food is scarce.

10. There are no #10 guys; these are the only test playing nations, the nine above mentioned and India of course. Holland/Scotland/Ireland are good but only when it comes to soccer.


What say you cricket fans?

दस्तक

This is a dedication to all people who are away from home/country because of their ambitions and miss their home.
Read it with the feeling!


चुपके चुपके दरवाज़े पे
दस्तक दस्तक आहट आई ||
आवाज़ सुनाई दी कोई
न जाने किसका ख़त आया ||

बाहर निकला अनजान मगन
कोई मिला , मुझे न ख़त वाला ||
कहीं दूर में सावन बरस रहा
मुझे याद किया कोई घर वाला ||

सोंधी सोंधी सी खुसबू थी
झोंकों में प्यार की परछाई ||
माँ याद में तनहा बेठी थी
मैं समझ न पाया तन्हाई ||

बड़ी दूर सभी से मैं आया
छोटे प्यारे सपने लाया ||
जीतूँगा में इस दुनिया को
यह प्रण में हूँ करके आया ||

आऊंगा वापस जल्दी माँ
तेरे आँगन , उस गलियारे में ||
खेलूँगा बन छोटा कान्हा
बस कुछ जी लूं इस अंधियारे में ||

कबीरवाणी

आज कबीरा होता जग में
लिख देता वोह यह पैगाम ||
बस करत करत अभ्यास से
नहीं होत है काम ||

बदल गयी यह दुनिया सारी
बदल गयी हर एक तकदीर ||
बदल गया वोह चौकीदार भी
अब ज़मींदार ही फ़कीर ||

काल करे सो, कल करियो
आज करो आराम ||
पल में प्रलय अगर होना है
तो फिर क्या ही करना काम ||

आज की लड़की देख कर दिया कबीरा रोये
सर से लेके पाओं तक वस्त्र बचा न कोई ||

आज, चतुराई से बढे हे चिंता
दुःख से बढे शरीर ||
लोभ से लक्ष्मी बढे
झूठा था वोह कबीर ||

पैसा ऐसी डाकिनी काट कलेजा खाए
वैद्य भी क्यूँ तुझे ठीक करे, यही तो उसकी कमाई ||

कबीरा खडा बाज़ार में
मांगे खुद की खैर ||
आतंकियों का कब हमला हो
या किसी दंगे में हो ढेर ||

मंदिर न मरी , मस्जिद न मारा
बस मर मर गया कबीर ||
आज भी फेला धर्म युद्घ है
क्या कोई सुना तुझे था कबीर? ||

आज तू केह्दे, कुछ नयी कहानी
नए रूप में फिर कबीरवाणी ||
यहाँ तो राम - रहीम पे होते हैं झगडे
फिर क्या तू कबीर और क्या तेरी अमृत वाणी ||



An updated version will be uploaded pretty soon.

मेरी भैंस को डंडा क्यूँ मारा

This poem is about the recent beating up of Indian students in Australia and nothing that would offend Menka Gandhi!


गाज गिरे उन नरपितयों पे
जो उठा के लठ और चला ही डाला
जात धर्म का भेद बना के , रिश्तो को यूँ जो धो डाला
फिर देश में मेरे सब ने पुछा
"मेरी भैंस को डंडा क्यूँ मारा !


पिटे हमारे प्यारे बच्चे, कंगारू की लातों से
फिर भी हमने उन्हें मनाया, अपनी प्यारी बातों से
पर असमंजस में थी सरकारे ,बनी न बातों से दीवारे
दाव पे लग गयी शान हमारी, दाव पे लगा रिश्ता सारा
पर फिर भी सबको समझ न आया,"मेरी भैंस को डंडा क्यूँ मारा"


तुम गोरे हो, हम काले हैं
तुम melborune,हम dilli वाले हैं
सम्मान तुम्हारा हम भी करते, सम्मान हमारा तुम भी तो करो (तो no need)
अत्थिति की पूजा हम करते,तुम कम से कम बस शर्म करो
पर जब तोड़ दिया तुमने यह बंधन, फीर से लूटा और फिर मारा
श्री मनमोहन ने भी कहा RUDD जी से
भाई साहब "मेरी भैंस को डंडा क्यूँ मारा !


होंगी तुम्हारी मेमे गोरी
पर ऐश्वर्या है अपनी छोरी
होगी तुम्हारी Nicole प्यारी
पर उसपे तो मल्लिका भारी
अरे Bradman भी पुनर्जनम ले यहाँ सचिन रूप में आया है
यह जन्मो का रिश्ता अपना , क्या कभी समझ तुम्हे आया है
हर गए जो ट्वेंटी-ट्वेंटी, तो इतना क्यूँ खुर्रा मारा
विश्वविजेता धोनी न भी पोंटिंग से यह केह डाला
tell me o sir "मेरी भैंस को डंडा क्यूँ मारा " !

अरे नहीं आयेंगे देश तुम्हारे, रेह लो अकेले उस टापू पे
देश तुम्हारा अलग सभी से, सब से अलग जज़्बात है
हमे घमंड है अपनी धरती पे, हर एक व्यक्ति पे नाज़ है
पर कभी मिले जो कंगारू भी, भारत की पावन भूमि पे
हम फ़र्ज़ अदाई कर देंगे, मेहमान नवाजी भी कर देंगे
पर घुमा फिरा के फिर पूछेंगे
दे करके ऊंचा हुंकारा
सालो " मेरी भैंस को डंडा क्यूँ मारा" !

Shehzadi

tashrif to rakh mehboob mere
mein khoob tera deedar karoon
do pal sun le gazalein to meri
meri umar tera karzdaar banoo

tujhe khoob tarasha kudrat ne
paak hai tu jannat ki tarah
moti ki tarah tu seep mein chup
parkhoon main tujhe johri ki tarah

tera roop dekh ke shehzaadi
pariyan gul ki sharama jaayein
teri zulfon ki is badal mein
bin saawan mor nikal jaayein

tujhko kya nagma pesh karun
jo taj nahi tere kaabil
sultan kahun mein sainik ko
jo fateh kare teri mehfil

khushnasseb to hoon mein bhi
khushnuma mila mujhko yeh pal
bus beet jaye sadiyan aise
tu sunte reh meri yeh gazal

Where is our Sonia, Mrs Gandhi?

New government, new ministers and new policies being implemented andone of the most recent development is the women reservation bill. But even if the congress party doesn’t get much support for its women reservation bill, they will surely get tons of support for GIRLS RESERVATION in engineering institutes.
The long dreaded dreams of engineering college’s boys.
Yes the day a guy cracks the engineering entrance test, he begins to look for his girl. Visits profiles, leaves messages and then he thinks “all girls put up intelligence as their turn on in their profile, but why don’t I get one"
But what she thinks “if you were intelligent enough, you would know how to turn me on , thats what we call intelligence "

There have been lots of dispute and debate over reservation on caste (because cast and races were created by humans) but I bet there would be none if the government opts for reservation based on sex. (Because the almighty created it, and don’t blame him, he did a nice thing!)

Its time you got the girls quota in Mrs. Gandhi (you don’t know the pain because Rahul didn’t do engineering). If the ministers can have lady President, Lady Speaker and almost a lady virtual Prime Minister, we need the same here.

The success of a developing nation like India depends on the overall development of engineers. India will succeed undisputedly because of girl’s reservation. Someone (surely a lady) said behind every successful man there is a woman, but (what she didn’t knew was) to make women out of girls you need engineers mam !! Hi5 to all engineers.

The fact is very few girls make it into good engineering colleges (and the girls still don’t accept the fact that they are not good at technical studies. Girls please note- memorizing stuff in not being technical). Hi5 again guys! .Blame the system, or the exam they just can’t do it

The ones who make it through have a great misconception that they are part of the most glamorous girls group globally (G4) who has both beauty and brains. But we know the truth, and they just don’t accept it.

But no complaints Mrs. Gandhi, we give you plain logic on what we learn in engineering "Probability", with reservations there would be a higher probability of good girls and hence more successful men coming out .

If you have any queries Mrs. Gandhi you know you made a man out of the Man-mohan and he got you the Man-date. And yes you can do the same for us. Get the dices rolling, we are not greedy- any amount of reservation will do, absolutely anything. We can even give you a concession if all the incoming stuff is even fair – not greedy again.

After all it’s for the nation, and we also need some Sonia(s) for an Italian date! Hi5 Mrs. Gandhi

By- The common leaf in engineer’s diary

"BAI" CHARA

"Bang a chic from bollywood , legendary and awesome , but bang a "bai" and that too when you are a star, awsful" yap this is what Barney from How i met your mother would have reacted to the news of Shiney Ahuja raping his house maid (BAI).


He is not the greatest stud in the arena but has an appeal and respect enough not to show some "BAI"CHARA (BAI= Maid, CHARA = DISCIPLINE, origin Indian). I am not sure if he had hazaaron khwaishein aisi but one of them was fulfilled and he will sound like a gangster for sure ( he is the son of a retired Indian army Officer).


If its all true then I just don’t blame Shiney for it, blame the media, they made it so glamorous having extra marital affairs( surely the bai was not an affair , just an event, but still). But yes its the media that has over these years made it appear so common and cool that even the ones who promote it( bollywood and Shiney is a part of it) get trapped in "going beyond your wife stuff" .But what he confusedwas goin beyond with falling below.


For the bai all I can say is, when you are being raped and you can’t escape stand there and enjoy!. If you dont believe me re-read the words when you cant escape.

But the modified part is: ( assuming one of them raped the other)
1.What if the bai raped Shiney, surely he could not have come and complained, he would have lost both bollywood image and manly self respect.
2. What if the injury marks were part of the game plan, yes its a promoted way of playing the world's greated sport by media and Mr.Ahuja couldnt be an excpetion.
3. Third lets see the pic of BAI( no one has) , maybe she's a babe ( who knows, havent you seen ishq-vishq) so leave apart the financial status, what if they were in love and he ditched her, thats not punishable and surely not rape after mutual consent.

His upcoming movies will surely gain publicity but not viewership. He will loose a lot of other films.

All i can say is, as you saw so shall you rape ( rather than as you sow, so shall you reap).


Also the new BAI CHARA rules for the nation:
1. Never leave your man with the bai at home, and wives you can trust your man not your bai.
2. Have short,dark and ugly BAI, just for further security
3. and pay your BAI nicely, she knows how to make extra money now !

Now thats some "bai"lateral modification!
Brought to you BAI - modified theory